Today was a very hard day for me. I found out that hours I thought would be able to be used as part of my internship cannot be used so I have roughly 100 hours of interns to complete by December 11th. This is so disappointing to me as I am already committed to Lay Counseling training, co-facilitating Divorce Care for Kids, my daily blog here, have a suicide prevention and awareness training weekend in October, my monthly article for the journal as well as delivering the Journal, am taking emergency first aid and CPR next month and November and now I will be putting in about 10-12 hours per week at the Y.M.C.A. working with the kids in order to complete my internship and learn more about caring for kids, not to mention sorting through things at home and packing to move.
To top it off, Doug, my oldest son, called today and let me know all the work he and his wife have done for the past 5 months of paying off $17,000 of credit card bills and saving money to put down on a home for my husband I to move to Phoenix, is not enough. Doug and Jessica will not be ready to purchase a home until next April or so now. I was so looking forward to finally moving closer to my grandchildren, living in the valley of the sun with warmth and sunshine almost every day of the year, getting insurance through a job for Ken that we've been praying for months to get so that Kenny could be seen regarding a prolonged injury from the accident a couple of years ago and for me to be seen for my health and dental issues, as well as being able to live in a home we can call our own once again. Ken was suppose to go in two weeks to find work and then I was going to join him by the beginning of December after my interns were completed. We are just waiting to get our 30 day notice from our mortgage company to move out of our home so life could definitely be better right now.
I must admit I am extremely discouraged right now. Depression seems to loom over my head and my heart is heavy with sadness. I feel all is falling apart and hope is buried deep within my bones. I know God says in Hebrews he will never leave me or forsake me and that He has good plans for me, plans to give me a future and a hope but tonight, I just feel like the world is caving in and God is watching even though I know He is carefully holding me in His arms. Our exciting plans have been dropped just like that and while my hope is in Jesus, my excitement of a new start in Phoenix soon vanished with this most discouraging news.
Trusting Jesus at this very moment seems so hard, but I know because I can do all things with Jesus' help, I can get through this sorrowful moment knowing these things shall pass and God's grace is sufficient for me; whether I feel like it or not.
